What Is Coaching, and What Is It Not?

I have to admit, one thing that surprised me when I started looking more closely at coaching was how often coaching is still misunderstood.

Even in professional articles and websites, you sometimes see a coach portrayed almost like a person who comes along with a bag full of good advice.

"You have a problem? Here's what I think you should do."

But that isn't really coaching.

So, what is coaching?

The European Mentoring and Coaching Council, EMCC, describes coaching as a professionally conducted process that inspires clients to maximise their personal and professional potential. It is a structured and purposeful process that helps people explore different ways of improving their skills, making decisions and improving their quality of life.

There is one part of this definition that I particularly love:

The client is the expert in their own life. The coach is the expert in the process.

And I think this is where coaching is often misunderstood.

You already know more than you think

Imagine you come to me and say:

"I don't know if I should stay in my job."

I could tell you what I would do.

But that's not my role as a coach.

Instead, I might ask:

• What makes staying feel right?
• What makes leaving feel right?
• What are you afraid might happen with either choice?
• If you already knew you would be okay, what would you choose?

And sometimes, somewhere in that conversation, something clicks.

Not because I gave you the answer.

Because you found it.

What does a coach actually do?

A coach listens carefully. We ask questions. We notice patterns. We reflect things back to you. We may challenge your thinking or invite you to look at a situation from a different perspective.

But you remain the person making the decisions.

This is also why coaching is different from mentoring or consulting. A mentor might share their experience. A consultant might give you recommendations. A coach creates the conditions for you to explore, discover and decide.

My own approach is strongly rooted in curiosity, empathy and the belief that people have much more knowledge, strength and potential than they sometimes recognise themselves. Coaching draws on approaches that emphasise the client's own experience, self-awareness, autonomy and ability to create change.

And what about advice?

This is probably the biggest misconception I would like to challenge.

Coaching is not about a clever person giving you clever answers.

It is about uncovering what is already there.

Sometimes you don't need another person telling you what you should do.

You need someone who can sit with you, ask the question you haven't asked yourself yet, and give you enough space to hear your own answer.

And that, for me, is the beauty of coaching.